December 2011
1 post
A Text Conversation Between Chad and Me
CHAD- Anything going on tonight?
MIKE- Probably just watch The Closer with the wife. It’s The Closer night at the ol’ Casa de Polk.
MIKE- I don’t even care for the show that much but that Kiera Sedgwick is easy on the eyes. Don’t tell my wife though! Ha!
MIKE- Get me in trouble.
CHAD- Man, you know I wouldn’t say nothing!
CHAD- We gotta get some beers soon. My...
October 2011
2 posts
I'm Seriously Not Trying To Bang Your Kids...
So I was just walking home from the store when I saw this probably junior high school kid walking back from school with some big heavy musical instrument in a case. Hard to tell what the instrument was, but it appeared to be the kind that would most likely make certain that he would not get to kiss a girl for at least the next eight years.
Any ways, the kid was small and he was really struggling...
September 2011
1 post
My Reasoning For Drafting An Entirely White...
My reasoning for drafting an entirely white Fantasy Football team this year was really two fold: 1- I thought it would be an interesting sociological experiment and perhaps help people, in some small way, to gain a better understanding of the racial differences that divide us to this day. 2- I’m an asshole.
The NFL is undeniably an African American dominated league. But with very little...
January 2011
1 post
A Verbatim Text Message Conversation Between Me...
FARRELL:
I swear the next time I’m watching porn and the scenario is a student banging his teacher and she says “you’re gonna get extra credit for this” I’m gonna lose it.
POLK:
Yeah, it’s like the writers don’t even respect us or something.
FARRELL:
And While we’re at it, take off your white tennis socks male porn star. I don’t need to...
October 2010
1 post
The Chick Friend Cycle (An Old Musing)
Lost another chick friend recently.
Not dead. Worse. Got a boyfriend.
It’s a drag. But it’s a cycle that I’m used to at this point. Depressingly used to.
New girl enters the picture. Not a dating kind of girl, just a friend girl who likes to hang out, likes to do stuff, is still excited about life, wants to try new things.
These girls usually range in age from 24 to 29. They...
And Up Again And Down Again And Up Again And....
What am I waiting for? I feel like I’m waiting for something. I always do and I always have. If I can just make it through this…pretty soon things will change….once I turn this corner…..won’t be long now.
I’m not miserable during this waiting period. I’m just…anxious. Anticipatory. But what is the goal? Am I waiting to have money? To be in love?...
August 2010
1 post
3 tags
Let's Visit The Cleveland Craigslist Trade or...
Cleveland Craigslist is inarguably the best website of all time. It’s like a creepy, anonymous, local, online garage sale. My favorite section of Cleveland Craigslist is the Trade & Barter section. That’s where you offer to swap your gross goods and services for some stranger’s gross goods and services. It’s essentially the modern equivalent of the frontier trading...
May 2010
1 post
Baby Pics!
Some girl I knew from college just sent me an email with picture files of her new baby attached because she wanted me to see him. I didn’t even open them, I just responded, “He’s beautiful” and moved onto my next email. Because I already know what that baby looks like. It looks like a baby. So unless it has a thumb growing out of it’s forehead or something, I really...
March 2010
1 post
My Justification For Eating A Bowl of Cereal While...
Let me begin by saying that I am not an animal. I don’t claim to be the classiest cat in town, but I am not some ignorant miscreant. I read. I enjoy good cinema. I listen to public radio. So don’t judge me by this one isolated incident.
And please take this into consideration before you pass judgement: I did not have to tell you this. This could have been a secret between myself and...
January 2010
2 posts
My Advice To Obama: Knock Up Your Wife.
So I just came up with what can only be described as a brilliant political move for President Obama that would help him win back the favor of the country and aid him in getting more of his initiatives passed.
Here’s all he needs to do:
Get Michelle Pregnant.
Rather than running from this 24 hour news cycle that is picking apart everything that he does as they present tabloid news-like...
Okay, our next caller here on “every local Cleveland sports talk AM” is “every idiot Cleveland fan” go ahead caller, whenever you’re ready….”Am I on?” Yes. ”Am I on right now?” Yes, go ahead caller. “Cool! First of all, love the show, first-time caller long-time moron.” Thanks. Go ahead. “Uh, yeah, well I just wanted...