Let’s Visit The Cleveland Craigslist Trade or Barter Section!
Cleveland Craigslist is inarguably the best website of all time. It’s like a creepy, anonymous, local, online garage sale. My favorite section of Cleveland Craigslist is the Trade & Barter section. That’s where you offer to swap your gross goods and services for some stranger’s gross goods and services. It’s essentially the modern equivalent of the frontier trading post, only instead of trading a wagon wheel for a sack of grain, people are trying to trade an old Nordic Track for a handjob, or some such similar transaction.
Here are my top 5 favorite postings on the Cleveland Craigslist trade and barter section last week:
#5 -I CAN AIRBRUSH ON JUST ABOUT ANYTHING!
I don’t know if you can read this, but the reason I like this post is because of what this dude wants to trade for. He is willing to share his art with you in exchange for a moped or scooter, a tattoo machine, or tattoo training. Could his desires possibly be more predictable? I wish that this guy was willing to airbrush stuff for you in exchange for Faberge eggs or cello lessons.
#4- WILL TRADE SHOES FOR MACBOOK!
I just admire this guy’s hopefulness. He wants to trade a pair of Gucci Sneakers for a MacBook computer. He’s appealing to such a narrow demographic. He’s hoping that a woman in the greater Cleveland area will stumble into the barter and trade section of Craigslist, and she has to have size 8 1/2 feet, and she has to have a MacBook that she is sick of, and she has to have no concept of value whatsoever. Chances are, this trade never came to fruition, but I envy this man’s wishful perspective.
#3- “BARELY WORN” ENGAGEMENT RING FOR SALE!
I just enjoy this posting because it tells a whole story. Here are some of the things that she is willing to trade her tainted ring for: A Gas Dryer, New Tires, Air Conditioners, Patio Furniture, and a Wooden Swing set. You can tell that she just wants to one day run into the dude that dumped her at the grocery store so she can tell him she swapped 3 months of his salary for a used Kenmore Dryer.
#2- WILL TEACH YOUR SMALL CHILDREN HOW TO RIDE A PONY!
Wow. Talk about a red flag. And as creepy as that headline is, the things that this guy wants to trade for are even more damning. He wants help getting his van running again and building a privacy fence. He’s essentially asking for someone to help him bang children more efficiently.
And finally, my absolute favorite…….
#1- WILL TRADE LIMOUSINE FOR BOAT!
Best desired swap ever! I just want to party with this guy!
“Fuck this Limousine! I’m tired of partying in this thing! I need a boat!”
And I hope that somewhere, out there, possibly in Lorain, he finds his counterpart who is completely sick of going back and forth to and from Put N Bay every weekend and is looking to party Limo-Style for a change. Ideally, the two of them will hit it off and realize that by combining their powers, they can party their dicks off in their limo all the way to their mutually-owned Party Boat. But then they one day realize that the real thing they have traded to each other is friendship. Sort of like a white trash Gift of the Magi deal. Come on Cleveland Craigslist, don’t let these lonely souls down! Wish! Wish! Wish!
